|A bus station is where a bus
stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk I have a workstation...
without sunshine is like night.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is
a fine for doing well.
A penny saved is a complete waste of time.
All generalizations are false, including this
All I ask is a chance to prove that money
can't make me happy.
All power corrupts. Absolute power is
kind of neat though.
Always remember you're unique, just like
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
An optimist thinks that this is the best
possible world. A pessimist fears that this is
Any complex system that does not work is
invariably found to have evolved from a simpler
system that worked just fine.
Any simple problem can be made unsolvable if
enough meetings are held to discuss it.
Anything that can go wrong will.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
Be careful what rut you choose. You may
be in it the rest of your life.
Beauty is only skin deep. Ugly goes clean to
Better to understand a little than to
misunderstand a lot.
Build a system that even a fool can use and
only a fool will use it.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending
Children seldom misquote you. In fact,
they usually repeat word for word what you
shouldn't have said.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little
or no influence on society.
Confession is good for the soul but bad for
Consciousness: That annoying time between
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do
not walk beside me, either; just #$%^ off and
leave me alone!
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Error, No Keyboard - Press F1 To Continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither
Everybody should believe in something. I
believe I'll have another drink.
Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.
Fashion: A form of ugliness so
intolerable that we have to alter it every six
Few women admit their age. Few men act
First things first, but not necessarily in
For every action there is an equal and
opposite government program.
Friends help you move. Real friends help
you move bodies.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Growing old is inevitable; growing up is
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Here I am! Now, what are your other two
Hospitality is making your guests feel at
home, even if you wish they were.
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to
be a vegetarian.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy
every minute of it.
I have seen the future and it is just like the
present, only longer.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm
not so sure.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me then a
If a man is standing in the middle of the
forest speaking and there is no woman around to
hear him, is he still wrong?
If a straight line fit is required, obtain
only two data points.
If all is not lost, where is it?
If all the world is a stage, where is the
If at first you dont succeed, get a
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't
If bankers can count, how come they have eight
windows and only four tellers?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy
all her friends?
If blondes have more fun, do they know it?
If builders built buildings the way
programmers wrote programs, then the first
woodpecker that came along would have destroyed
If everything seems to be going well, you
obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as
little as they.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit,
what fool came up with, "Quit while you're
If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct
the test only once.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your
If you don't care where you are, then you
If you lend someone $20, and never see that
person again, it was probably worth it.
If you think nobody cares you're alive, try
missing a couple of car payments.
If you think there is good in everybody then
you obviously haven't met everybody.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have
If you try to please everybody, nobody will
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
In any collection of data, the figure most
obviously correct, beyond all need of checking,
is the mistake.
In any organization there will always be one
person who knows what is going on. This
person must be fired.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Is there another word for synonym?
It is easier to change the specification to
fit the program than vice versa.
It is easier to get older than it is to get
It is impossible for an optimist to be
It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because fools are so ingenious.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in
the world end to end, someone would be stupid
enough to try and pass them.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is
simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're
I've seen the future. I can't afford it.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks
before you need it.
Leakproof seals will. Interchangeable parts
Learn from your parent's mistakes, use birth
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal
Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it does
enable you to look for it in more places.
Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your
car to make it rain doesn't work.
My opinions are my own unless they happen to
be yours too.
Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to
crack open a cold one.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know
Never argue with an artist.
Never hit a man with glasses. Use your
Never underestimate the power of human
No one ever says, "It's only a game,"
when their team is winning.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't
have to do it himself.
Of course I don't look busy. I did it right
the first time.
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on
Opportunities always look bigger going than
Optimists see the glass half full. Pessimists
see the glass half empty. Realists know they're
going to have to wash the damn glass.
Originality is the art of concealing your
Puritanism: The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere may be happy.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the
question. "Yes" is the answer.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in
So many cats, so few recipes.
Sterility is hereditary. If your parents
didn't have children, neither will you.
Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
Taxation with representation isn't much
Thats funny, I don't remember being
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the
headlamp of an oncoming train.
The other line always moves faster.
The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The race is not always to the swift, nor the
battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
There is always one more bug.
There is no such thing as a free lunch.
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you
will have to catch up.
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a
constant, yet the population is growing.
The things that come to those that wait may be
the things left by those who got there first.
The trouble with doing something right the
first time is that nobody appreciates how
difficult it was.
The world is full of willing people. Some
willing to work and some willing to let them.
Things are more like they used to be than they
This Universe never did make sense. I
suspect it was built on government contract.
To err is human. To forgive is against
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Variables won't; constants aren't.
We are born naked, wet and hungry
things get worse.
What if there was no such thing as a
What is a "free" gift? Aren't
all gifts free?
What makes the universe so hard to comprehend
is that there's nothing to compare it with.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger
Where you stand on an issue depends on where
You always find something in the last place
You are only young once, but you can stay
You can't have everything, where would you put
You worry too much about your job. Stop
it! You're not paid enough to worry.
Your conscience may not keep you from doing
wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
"Here at First National, you're not just
a number. You're two numbers, a dash, three
more numbers, another dash and another number."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down